the chosen one

First of all, this picture is hilarious. Hilarious like the people that have pictures of them with their southern trucks or their new jetta that dad bought for them recently or the -this is the worst by far- chromed out motorcycle. I was about to apologize for offending someone, but then I realized that you should have to apologize for posting something as ridiculous as you with your mode of transportation, unless it's some fixed gear bicycle from 1960, but then you'll still  be a poser. And yes, I'm talking about facebook profile pictures, which is actually just as lame of me...You're forgiven. 

The reason why I'm writing this is because something happened to me the other day that caused me to believe in modernized versions of burning bushes for supernatural communication.  I don't know what was meant to be communicated, but I do know that I actually felt chosen after what happened to me about 3 weeks ago. 

My car was struck by lightening. I think. I mean, I'm pretty sure. 

So, I get home from a late night out of pbr six packs, manslaughter, adultery, habitual lies involving my ancestral or ethnic origin, pre-marital sex, and...a really low cut shirt from american apparel. Jersey style. A night full of collegiate debauchery.

No. I actually spent the whole day at a nursing home, taking care of the elderly, saving a kitten from a flowering dogwood, stopping a child from falling into a creek, and the reason I got home so late is because I was just listening to a friend who needed a shoulder pad to cry on....I should stop shopping at Maude.  

Ok. I don't know. I don't know why I was chosen to have my car struck by lightening. I don't know why that night I came home at 2 am. Those details seem inconsequential. All I know is that it was a torrential downpour.

I get home. park the car outside of the garage next to the other three cars of my roommates. downpour. loud. i get out, cover my head and run 5 steps to the garage door opener. 5*6*. enter. garage open. and then....

all around me went white. everything was illuminated. everything. i looked back for that .3 mili-second and saw my car...lit up from the inside...like an ethereal dream...or an automobile bonfire...something. 

it went dark again. and i looked at my car. like thomas the train, it suddenly developed eyes. EYES!!! The lights starting blinking-the horn went off-the alarm sounded-the lights on the inside flickered....and my truck flew open mid storm like a buoy. 

God hates me. That was my first thought. 

I wasn't completely shocked yet. And didn't think it could be lightening really. So, I walked through the rain, everything still sounding and blinking, and shut the trunk timidly, trying to barely make contact. I stood there and just looked at the car. Everything blinking. Everything flickering. Everything so damn loud. I tried shutting it off with my key set. To no avail. 

So, I went inside and sat by the door for five minutes. Hoping my roommates wouldn't wake up.  And then, it went off. So, I went to bed. 

The next morning I woke up. 7am. 2 hours till class. some tea. some downtime. some natural lighting. perfect.  I go out to my car. I pop my trunk....

and the car alarm goes off. So, I thought I hit the wrong button. I press car alarm...and the trunk flew open. I looked at my key set. Made sure I wasn't dizzy with rooibios. And then calmly placed my pack in the back and shut it. The alarm was still sounding. So, I thought I'd just open the door and start the car to turn it off. I press unlock....and the alarm turns off. Hmmm.  I tried, then, just using my key to get in my car...but the updownupdownupdownupdown of the locks in my car prevented me from being able to stick the key in. It gave me about .001 seconds to get the angle just right before it would go up and lock me out. Sweet. updownupdownupdown. I looked up to the sky and said, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!" Updownupdownupdown. I tried it again. It worked. I got into my car and the horn started, and the alarm sounded. I put the key in the ignition...and everything went calm. 

"Good gosh," accompanied my sign of relief. 

I started the car and sat for about 5 calming seconds before I pulled up the emergency brake and backed out. Look over my shoulder. Back up turned left. Shift to drive and 

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK hoooonk HONK HonK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hadn't touched the horn. So, I kept driving. 

HOOOONkkkk HooooooooNNNNNKKKKK. 

I honked the entire 2.4 miles to campus, waving apologies to opposite passerbys. 

"uh, sorry, yeah...sorry..." my hands up in the air, throwing out that innocent smile, like "whoops, haha. yeah. haha." No one was really paying much attention to me, but I kept apologizing. Cool. I parked at my favorite cafe-Uprise-and went inside to let the car calm down. 

I literally felt chosen. Like, I was waiting for some guy in a suit with a briefcase to walk into the cafe and sit down at my table while the soundtrack to twilight sounded, doo doo doo doo, doodudoodu, and for him to reach out his hand and say under sunglasses, "come with me, emily." 

So when the man in his mid-thirties, wearing a suit and with his briefcase, asked if he could sit down at my table, I mildly seizured. He didn't tell me I was chosen. He didn't ask me to come with him. Instead, he just asked me if he could take me out to a coffee sometime and talk. I don't really know what that means, but it seemed harmless when he asked for my email address. I'd never seen him before. 

This is all so weird still. 

He left because I was consumed with this book and paper before my class and he could tell I wasn't in the mood to have conversation. So, I guess he emailed me. 

Anyway, my car calmed down. It's fine now. I got a ticket the other day for failure to stay within the lane, around 12 in the afternoon. 

This recession is screwing everyone.