Thoughts and Studies.

Broken people create a perpetual community here, uniting in open heartache and disillusionment. I could not, but for a feeble attempt, try to recreate a similar ounce of brokenness that the people here exhibit. I do not presume, however, to believe that the intellectual questions are, alone, a facade to inner pain. However, from my experience, prolonged pain stimulates a questioner, and, plausibly, a thinker. It's a reasonable response to a severe reality. Without the pain or distinguishable sickness, there would be no need. It is no longer that need that I question. Rather, I devour the idea of a humanitarian God in light of these distinguishing realities. He came to heal in light of our disease or in spite of it? I'm learning that my intellect has formed as a rather memorable regurgitation of vocal or read knowledge. That intellect, however, has fallen prey here as I rediscover the actuality of what I believe. What I have come to know has remained hidden. It has been for, at times, the preservation of pride and respect that I have allowed my thoughts to fester behind some guise of wisdom. Now, I am finally able to, without fear of "discovery", address my "forbidden" questions, doubts, and thoughts. How relieving to not have to maintain some sort of feigned image! How real He has become! For that alone, there, I can muster up some sort of courage to praise Him. Thankfulness right now is a struggle that no person can sufficiently respond to. The aching that lay hidden does not need a medication or a response of man, but, rather, a directive guide. How does God act in this world? That is my question. (Trust me. I have been well schooled in an arrangement of thought and "scriptural truth." I don't want, and not for the sake of my pride, yet another unfounded, innate response. If for prides sake I would not ask and appear the fool. To a degree, and I question myself, I just want to know Him and learn to respond AUTHENTICALLY to Him.) I am, indeed aware of the well-received "biblical" run around answers. I do think that God is bigger than some verse out of context, and that is not to undermine the authority of the Bible(which is another, dog gon me, that I am struggling with). That may sound concerning to some, but my questions are my questions. I would rather be honest with the extent of them rather than to spout off the Westminster Confession of Faith, without having thought the implications of it. 

Here are just some simple thoughts I was dealing with in the beginning, and am still dealing with now.