Oh no. Don't worry friends. This is no dedication. This is a WARNING!
Here's why---because of him I
a.) have a bruise on my right leg
and b.) got cow dung stuck inside my shoes.
How could this all be his fault you ask..."oh he's so innocent" you say. Guess again!
So, why Emily are you so bitter? Well, let me explain---so I am getting ready-packing for Switzerland. I made a list, checked over it, etc. And dear, sweet, generous Mike comes over...I show him my list--and what does he do?--he LAUGHS! He laughed at my list. I was "overpacking" I guess and he thought I should take some of his guidelines. Of course. Good ole mountain man Mike shows me the ropes...and I TRUSTED him! I trusted him....
He said, "Em, do you really need running shoes and "dirty" running shoes?" (I had specified in my Microsoft Word document.)
I like to be specific.
He basically went through my list and told me that I should get rid of the "non-essentials." Aw thanks Mikey poo...You must be so smart and sooo sweet...whata helper.
Some of these "non-essentials" may have included: rollerblades, frisbee, paints and paint brushes, hiking boots, drawing supplies, watercolor paints, a film camera, and, of course, some cute shoes(aka brown boots). I thought, "Ya know, Mike is probably right. He's always right....right?" WRONG!
Here's what happened. Some friends said, "Hey Em, wanna go see these caves down the mountain?" To which I responded with an excited "of course!" I get all geared up in my caving gear-T-shirt, jeans, tennis shoes, and a fleece. Perfect.
Well, it's a 45 minute hike down to the bottom of the mountain from where we were. We all chug on down there right after dinner to catch a glimpse of the sun setting over the Alps. Merciless. We get to the bottom of the waterfall river thing---I would go into more depth but this whole thing is to discredit Mike as royalty.
Anyways, cave. We all climb in, it's incredible. Pictures will come later. We have flashlights and cave lamps. We're prepared. This cave experience is a story in itself involving new exploration, army crawling, cavern climbing, and quarter sized spiders---the exact reason it became an urgent retreat.
Ok, so we all get out. It's not pitch black and about 11 pm. So, we just chill on the cave outside telling scary stories and such. Great.
Well, the rule of hiking DOWN a mountain is usually, if you climb all the way down, you normally, if not always, must go back up. It was a 45 minute hike down from L'abri...so just imagine the hike back...up....right. It's pretty dark and is probably time to get back seen as though it's just...oh...lightening. I guess that bringing only one pair of tennis shoes, my running shoes, was a bad idea in this condition...which goes onto explain my blistered and bleeding right knee....mmm flashback....
"Hiking boots Em? You don't need all this..."
Oh really Mike? Really? Ok, you can pay for my blister (or at least buy me some of that cool scar cream...). No hiking boots? Great idea! Thanks for that!
Anyways, we keep on up the trail. It's pitch black, until we get to this clearing of the trees...I want to explain how beautiful the stars were but that's for another time...After the clearing, it's only a little ways up. You think, ah, this should get flat....but no. It's always a steady incline. Sweet.
So, we realize that we are close to L'abri because we hear the calling of our chalet....the freaking cowbells screaming and alerting us that we are "oh so close" to home. Oh, and don't worry, we just got a little off trail and ended up having to pass through the sweet little COW PASTURE in the dead of night. Fun. And guess what? The cows, of course and explained previously, are still awake. I love territorial swiss cows.
Right as I ask, "Cows can't be mean right?" I see the turning of this brown head towards me as I am stared down by these green, ominous eyes. AND THEY START RUNNING!!!!! They start coming towards us. So, what would any rational human do in this fearful animal situation---run. Good thing I had running shoes right? I scurried away and right as I am about to exit the gate....I feel something mushy....
I STEPPED IN COW DUNG! Let me just tell you how fun it is to step in crap the size of a boot. And then let me tell you how much more fun it is to have shoes with little "breathing" holes that allow the cow crap to seep in. Mmm, yes please.
This is the second time I cursed Mike. His cursed name bellowed through the Alps.
No hiking boots necessary Mike? Overpacking is such a girl thing to do Mike? Really?
The ONE time I listen to him I am bleeding and cleaning out cow dung from between my toes. A real treat. Thanks for that.
1 comment:
stop crying.
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